Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hippo gnu deer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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