Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
