I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
