I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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