Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
