just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
