The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
