You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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