im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Everclear isn't food dammit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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