I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
