if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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