I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dicks are not precious.
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