they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
