sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
