Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
