Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
high people should be assigned attendants
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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