Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
