so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
