did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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