Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
