Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize