And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
