The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
