mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
