Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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