no, he came in my armpit
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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