dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
