Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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