So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
