Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
