I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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