I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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