Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
