I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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