did you get engaged???
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
