I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
