My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
