so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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