i will never coherently bang her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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