it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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