We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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