Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
