I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
