It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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