im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
