mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
