Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
