Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
