end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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