his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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