Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize