why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
