I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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