Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
