If that was your dad, he is hot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
