Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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