Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
