Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
