anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
