UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
