How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
