She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
