I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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