I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
