I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
