Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
