Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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