Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
