he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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