i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
