hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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