Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
