I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
