i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
