Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
