i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
